sinner

happy new year..selamat tahun baru..

a new experienced of my life.

on the second day of new year, i experienced something that really meant to me. nothing can describe the feeling of dieing......

suddenly i felt like i cant breath at all, my heart beating faster and faster seems like theres no oxigen left in the air, trembling, cold feet, and suddenly i cried like someone dat i love just passed away. i heard a voice reminding me all of me sins. and sometimes i cant even listen to me self. my eyes started to glare all over the place, in my head i only think about me, me and me..i kept on talking to me self, is this the end of me life. slowly i saw my mum, and my dad trying their best comforting me on the bed. .what happening to me, i keep asking to ma self. my parents insist of taking me to the nearest hospital...NO i said, i just wanna lay down on the bed next to them and asking for forgiveness from them. my mum started to cry...

SARAH..i yelled her name out loud. my dad wanted to call her but i said NO..we wait and see..i started to think all of the sweetest memories when im with her. we planned to get married this year, hopefully ALLAH give me more time so that i could be a husband to her. i love her a loads..all of my heart even if i loathe her..she is the one for me.

after a few minutes i felt better. i called her just checking on her..asking her for a forgiveness if i did anything wrong to her. and she said dont worry sayang everything will be alright..past few minutes after i hung up the phone, the ATTACK started to attack me again..i felt so thirsty this time, felt like butterfly inside my stomach..restless, painless, speechless..recite quran maybe for the last time, i prayed for forgiveness, YA ALLAH im a sinner, could you give me a chance so that i could be ready next time...i remembered reading somewhere if u felt all of the above it mean you are dying..

after almost 2 hours of struggling, i started to feel better. but my body felt so tired..maybe i need a rest. im afraid if i close my eyes i wouldnt open the next time.. SARAH used to remind me of the doa tidur( reciting that you do before you sleep), few seconds after that i slept.

alhamdullilah im still here, and getting better and better.but one thing for sure this experience i will never forget for the rest of my life.

i love allah, my family and my future wife sarah amran...